I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
