This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
