My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
