I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize