Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
