never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
