I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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