Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I didn't shave. On purpose
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
