yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
