Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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