Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
