i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize