you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
