When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
