And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize