I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I've blown a few things in my day
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
