he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
