yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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