I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
