forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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