my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
