Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
