If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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