we're blogging at a bar
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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