We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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