no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
