I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize