I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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