u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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