i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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