How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
