Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
from now on my penis is your penis
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
