From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
