my sisters under your porch take her home
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
