What did we do last night that was yellow?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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