tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
