Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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