I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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