I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
