Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
