just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
