he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
