Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
