I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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