is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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