How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
