Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
