I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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