glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
