Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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