Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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