I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
