I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
