I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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