Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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