He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
