Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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