Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
