i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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