we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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