And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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