Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Will exercising make me less horny?
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