My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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