Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
