It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
