well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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