I just gift wrapped bread.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
