What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
this is an emotional support booty call
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
