Is it normal to miss your booty call?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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