Farmville is her only friend.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
