I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
