Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
