If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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