It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
worst night to have a conscience
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
