he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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