Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he fucked my hip out of place.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
