i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize