So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
