on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
