if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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