Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Dignity is for republicans.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
