I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
