Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
