I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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