when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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