Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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