Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize