I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
