When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
