thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
handjob tips. give me some.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
