operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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