I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
