This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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