i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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