And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
