she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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