just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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