Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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