Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I would fuck him just for his dog
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
