we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
