I just made out with a guy for $7.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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