I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
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