I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
