I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
