Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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