Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
