your thong is hanging out like whoa
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
