then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
