Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
