I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
