do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I don't deserve a penis
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
why is half of my head shaved?
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