You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
