i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
