Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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