I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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