Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
