Three words: puerto rican gang bang
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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