doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
