Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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