i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize