She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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