you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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