i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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