you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
