thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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